Adrenaline

Several of the families in Addis left this morning early to go to Ajuuja (WACAP's orphanage in Awassa where we first met Engida). One couple and I stayed behind and went to play again with our kids at the transition house. Here are the roads leading to our kids:

When we first got there, the adoptive father with us began to feel sick. Immediately his wife thought it might be his peanut allergy, and she was right. I am leaving out many of the details, but basically he had an anaphylactic reaction that required immediate medical attention. We somehow got the nannies to understand that we needed to talk to Mesfin, our driver, who returned to the compound. While the nannies prayed, we managed to get the dad into the van (who had fallen unconscious on the cement), and they flew away to the hospital. The whole scene was way more dramatic and with the adrenaline I had flowing through my muscles I could have picked up the car and carried it to the hospital. Ironically, adrenaline was what he needed in the emergency room and didn't get it until he crashed at the first clinic and took an ambulance to the second one.

All of the kids were in the back bedrooms (being really quiet- I wonder what they were doing!?) except for Engida and 2 friends. The nannies left the 3 of us to play with stickers and the cars, eat snacks, and of course play ball. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! Being the only adult there, when Engida needed anything he would motion for me to help him- if the ball got stuck in the drain, if he had to go potty, or if he couldn't get the stickers off the sheet. He does not like it I touch him, especially if I try to pick him up, but he doesn't mind playing with me:). Today his favorite discovery was that I can throw a beach ball pretty high in the air- and so we repeated this marvel over and over to his delight. I tried to get the kids to sing, and said "La-la-la-la," which they repeated the rest of the afternoon in the exact tone and tune. It was really cute even if they didn't understand my original intention.

Engida liked to put stickers everywhere, and plastered my face, shirt, arms, pants, etc with stickers. He has the sweetest smile and I am seeing it more and more. I asked his nanny if he could count, and she had him counting while I videoed- he was being really silly and trying to make jokes. She would say in Amharic "1, 2, 3" and he would respond "1, 2... 5" and burst into giggles. Little jokester.

When we left, he waved to me and said "Ciao!" I have his sweet little voice burned in my memory and can't wait to hear it again tomorrow.

For lunch, Yoseph invited me to a great little restaurant near his house (and really near the WACAP transition house!). Besides seeing Yoseph in his brand-new company car (er, the brand new car he will use at his new job), the best part was that Wednesday is FASTING day!!! He purposely chose to take me out on a Wednesday so we could enjoy my favorite Ethiopian food- vegetarian!!! Even when it is not a Wednesday or a Friday, I always ask for the fasting menu, and he remembered this from our travels. So thoughtful! Yoseph I already miss you!

In the afternoon, there was no where we needed to be and we weren't allowed to go back to the kiddos. One adoptive family had left their 2 daughters here in Addis with their grandma while they went to Ajuuja to meet birth family. I made up a scavanger hunt for them with clues between the guest house and the hotel- everyone had a part to play from the security guards to the receptionists, and even baby Demoze had a clue in his pants. I had them running to the top floors, out on the roofs, in their bathtub, in my room, etc, etc. I'm not sure who enjoyed it more, the creator or the participants:). I hope we can keep in touch because I know my big kids would love to play with Poppy and Ruby!

It all ends with a kiss

Last night I slept from 10:30 until 9am!!! (with a little help from Tylenol PM, which I highly recommend using to get used to the time change for a night or 2 before your child comes!). We had breakfast at TDS, and then headed off to the WACAP transitional house to spend more time with our kids! I had a nice long sleep last night and was ready to go with my photo album for Engida, more snacks and more bottled water.

Photos are a BIG hit with little kids:). I included pictures of our family, but more importantly (and better appreciated) were the photos of the orphanage, his old nanny, and his old friends. All of the kids from Ajuuja were shouting out names and babbling in Sidaminya while pointing to different kids and the nanny. The kids in the pictures already have been matched with families from around the US, and it would be great to connect with them and keep in touch!

Engida still doesn't want to get too close to me (obviously), nor does he want me to hold him or touch him. I decided that I would just follow him around (I felt like a puppy, adoringly following around his owner that wouldn't pay attention to him:). Any time he wanted anything- water, popcorn, toys, potty- I tried to be the one to give it to him. It was hard to explain to the well-meaning WACAP staff that it would be so helpful if they could give me the water, and I would pass it to Engida (instead of them giving it directly to him). BUT it helped to do this, because by the end of the day he would drink water from a water bottle that I was holding. We played soccer (his favorite activity) and he liked kicking the ball around with the other kids while screaming and running around. The boys really like cars, and were fighting a lot over these 3 little cars that can connect with magnets, that Auntie Colleen donated to the orphanage. A group of boys ages 2-5 all wanted the coveted red one and would swiftly grab it as soon as someone would accidentally leave it unattended. There were several times I thought someone should intervene when it got a little physical, but I definitely wasn't going to be the bad guy! The concepts of sharing and possession are unknown. As an observer, I started to get a feel for how the kids had these unwritten rules of "survival of the fittest/strongest/most stubborn/biggest/quickest/most aggressive or assertive." Books written for adoptive parents like to call this "institutionalized behaviors" when the child continues this survival mindset at home with his/her new siblings.

Engida did not want to make eye contact with me, but would do a sideways glance into the mirror and look at me. He seems a little more comfortable with me when we are in private and not in the big group of families he doesn't know. His curiosity could be quenched because looking into the mirror was not as threatening as looking directly at my face. Through the mirror I was able to tickle him and even make him laugh! We spent a good 15 minutes playing in the mirror- all the while he was making eye contact while being held by his nanny, who was standing shoulder to shoulder with me. The nanny told him to tickle me, and he felt safe tickling the palm of my hands and letting me tickle the palms of his hands. These are exciting baby steps!!!! He absolutely will not let me hold him, hug him, or get too close (or he pinches, hits, screams, cries, pushes, etc). However, after the games in the mirror he was a tad bit more comfortable with me, and decided it was OK to play stickers with me. I encouraged him to put them on my face and he accidentally looked me in the eyes a couple of times:). At the very end of the day, all of the families were gathering up their bags of goodies and saying good-bye to their beautiful kids. The nanny told Engida to give me a kiss-- time froze- he hesitated, I smiled.. and he came and kissed me right on the lips and smiled!!! And the whole courtyard full of adults (parents, grandparents, nannies, director) started to applaud:). He ran away, but I had him for a second:).We have such a supportive group of families with us, I am so lucky.
**
After lunch at a fancy Italian-Ethiopian restaurant, we headed to the Post Office shops. I picked up a few more souvenirs for the kids and other family members- you're never really finished souvenir shopping, right? It was starting to drizzle and so I went back to the parked van to relax and stay dry with another family. All of a sudden, on the side of the van, someone's mom was walking and being a little harassed by some teenagers selling something-- when one of them reached out, ripped off her necklace, and tore down the street. What happened next was incredible- customers in the shops, shop owners, and people on the street immediately sprinted after the muggers. Our driver (Mesfin) was the fastest and actually grabbed one of the kids and handed him over to the cops, who arrived straightaway. They spent the rest of the afternoon in a police station filling out paperwork, watching the thief get interviewed in a small room with a single lightbulb while he cried and swore he was only the friend of the thug. The witnesses were released so they could spread the word on the street that the accomplice was in jail overnight. Just for the record, the crime rate in Addis Ababa is very low, with pickpocketing being the most common. We felt safe everywhere we went, and we so pleasantly surprised by the kind reaction of the entire crowd.
**
For dinner we ordered in from the hotel and stayed up talking and laughing in the little kitchen at the guesthouse, giddy with excitement and ready for tomorrow!

Meeting Engida!!!!

I was so excited/anxious/nervous about meeting Engida (oh, and there was a little jet lag) that I woke up at 3am and could never get back to sleep. I read for an hour, did some exercises, walked around the verandas, watched a little TV, and finally at 7am took a shower and went downstairs for breakfast. The adrenaline was making my muscles tremble and I couldn’t stop fiddling with my fingers- would he run away and scream? I know his behavior is temporary, I know it means he was connected to his nanny, I know this is common for toddler.. but it is still hard, it still hurts your heart as a mom, because your child is suffering from this tremendous fear- really suffering because of you, and yet there is nothing you can do to alleviate it.. attempts to comfort him might be useless. You don't know what to do to that would make him feel better, you look weird, talk weird, smell weird, and really are the cause of the fear.. and even when you are trying your hardest, you may still fail to make the situation easier for him. So the anticipation of the unknown was really getting to me... I was futilely trying to imagine our first day together, at the same time in my mind impossibly going through all of the attachment and adoption literature, while smiling and eating breakfast with the other excited parents. The vans came, and we all piled in. Our van stopped at the hotel to pick up a family that was literally just arriving from the airport. The WACAP transition house is a bit away from the hotel, but soon we were turning off the main road onto a long and bumpy dirt road that led to the gated compound. The orphanage is very similar to Ajuuja, though the kids play on a concrete driveway instead of the small grassy courtyard. We got out, and I asked about Engida- “Oh, he’s at immigration.” I really had to fight back tears. Yesterday we didn't get to see the kids because Ato Teklu thought "we were too tired" and today they decided tot ake him to immigration (surely for a good reason, but still...). I fought back tears and some of the other parents assured me that we would not leave until he came back. For an hour and a half I watched the adorable new families interacting with their even cuter kids. I got to play with some of the kids who were already through court and waiting for the families to come and pick them up- you could tell that some of the older kids knew a little of what was going on, but maybe didn't understand where their mommy/daddy was. Some of the kids would ask the nannies when their mommy would come, and the nannies would explain that "in a little while" they would get to meet their new nannies. At the orphanage on our first trip, it made me really sad to see the kids waiting to be matched with families, and hear their voices asking when it would be their turn. It was obvious that the older kids understood that the babies came and went, but the older the child, the longer it would take. But here, everyone had families waiting for them, and it was only a matter of time before they would be in a family. There was an excitement in the air.

The beautiful kids- oh the beautiful kids!! I checked on Matthew and Emmanuel’s little girl, who was doing well, looked chubbier and was holding up her head quite well. We saw Vonne and Tom’s little girls- and the truth is I think they remembered me and remembered Vonne, and wondered why Vonne wasn’t here! They said something about mommy and looked sad. I gave them lots of love and asked the nannies to tell them that mommy was coming.

Engida finally came! It requires a lot of restraint to not smother him with kisses, but obviously putting myself in his shoes, he was so scared and wanted nothing to do with me at first. He let me pick him up for a second, but then he realized that I wanted to hold him, and he wanted nothing to do with that. I just followed him around the rest of the time we were there, and any time he was remotely interested in anything I had, I crouched down to eye level and took advantage of the opportunity to sneak some eye contact.

In the last picture, do you see Hirut hugging him? Hirut is one of his little girlfriends, and he let me carry him as long as she was standing next to us hugging him:). Below is his nanny, trying to make him smile (which wasn't necessary!!!).

Here is when I first got to carry him:

I sat some of his friends down and started to play cars with them and the nanny asked him to join us. He kind-of rolled the car back and forth with me for a bit, but the other kids were way more interactive with me. He really likes soccer (futbol!!!!) and he would kind-of kick the ball to me a little, but never would look me in the face. I saw him make the int’l sign for potty (grabbing himself!) and tried to pick him up to take him. He started to scream, and so instead I ran and got his nanny Alem. I followed behind them, and watched as he sat on the potty, and then the nanny snapped up his too short size 18 month overalls.

He really liked to play with his friends- here he is with Lemat and Hirut:

He loves eating and drinking. LOVES. He was sharing everyone's water bottle and guzzling it.

We looked in the mirror for a bit and he would try to steal glances at me. You can tell he was just so scared- before the crying there are the red flags of fast breathing, eyes looking down, then lips quivering, eyes welling up, and then the crying. I talked with the social worker, and had her translate from Alem some questions. Engida’s schedule is to sleep from 7am to 7pm, and nap 2-4. For breakfast he eats bread and milk and tea. Lunch is injera, rice, macaroni. Snack is at 4pm and it is some kind of snack food. Then dinner (oops, they never told me about dinner). His best friend here is Abezu, who is being adopted by the another family (who wasn't here with us now).

They had a coffee ceremony and lots of popcorn and roasted barley. The kids didn’t take any at first and we think that maybe the nannies had told them not to. They could give the kids "the look" and immediately the kids knew what they were (not) saying. But once we offered some to them, they ate like crazy. Engida was taking handfuls and shoving them in as fast as he could chew. He also ate the goldfish packet I brought, and a lollypop Jennifer gave us. He would take food from me, and then sometimes he would take water from my water bottle. He ate a lot of cookies and I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him to stop!
*

Some Amharic:
Shúma metá is a combo of Sidaminya/Amharic and is “Do you want to go potty?”
Gobez lidge- good boy (gobez= good)
K’onjo= smart, beautiful
Aizo= are you ok? or It’s OK.
Ow-adih-ha-lewih- I love you
Eneh-enat-neng= I’m your mommy
Yénah-mendenow= What’s that?
*
At the end of the day, Ato Teklu’s friend was taking pictures of everyone. I knew it was not going to be a pretty picture (no pun intended) because all of the parents were holding their children, and so far Engida did not want to be held by me. I picked him up for the group shot, and he screamed the whole time. He pushed, hit, pinched, shoved.. he really was scared and did not want me to hold him! For our “individual pictures” I asked the nanny to hold him and stand with me and Teklu, and he was OK with me kind-of putting my arm around him.
*
Physically and emotionally draining… I kissed and hugged him good-bye, and got in the van with everyone. This was a better day than in Ajuuja… every day will be better. Baby steps, baby steps. I just need to learn how I can make him feel more comfortable, and help him to be less scared.

We went out to lunch at a wonderful little spot with traditional food, and of course I ordered the vegetarian/fasting menu- yum! Then we went to the National Museum (our 2nd time) and had a mediocre guide. I did learn that the instrument we bought last time was called a kirar.

Dubai and then Addis!

Little Manhattan in Dubai (United Arab Emirates)--

Day 1 and 2 (and 3) blur together and seem to last longer than 24 hours. I boarded the plane at Houston, excited to start my trip, and more than 2 hours (and almost 2 movies) later I was still sitting in the plane, at the gate, while the mechanics fixed the air conditioning. We finally got in the air and I continued to watch movies and read until they served the food. It was an uneventful, but long flight (I think it was 15 hours?!) We finally got to Dubai- and landed after 10pm. I felt empowered finding my way through the airport by myself- first getting the transit visa, then going through immigration and customs, and lastly finding the shuttle to the hotel. Because I was flying on Emirates and had a layover of 13 hours (cut short by the delay), I got a voucher for a free night at the Millennium Hotel. I met a nice girl from Zimbabwe (married to US Army guy and living in Colorado), who was on her way back for a friends wedding. Talking about a long trip, she flew Denver to Houston to Dubai then she’d go to Johannesburg to Harare to her town. I checked in to my room, tried and failed to get internet, and then decided to go down and get dinner. The Middle Eastern food was so good- hummus and pitas, eggplant, fried vegetables, chicken, fruit… At dinner I met the girl from Zimbabwe and a Lebanese dad from Houston. Another guy from India said that they were going to have a night city tour from 10:30-12:30 (midnight), so the girl and I decided to do it! For $30 we drove all over the city checking out the lavish hotels-

the Atlantis hotel (above) has a room on the top for $35,000 per night (or you can stay for a mere $500/night in cheaper rooms)! This particular hotel was in this development called “The Palm”

http://www.thepalm.ae/ The Palm is a development shaped like a Palm tree (actually there are 3 different palm trees), which are neighborhoods built out of sand and rocks into the Persian Gulf, and where each home has their own private beach. The whole purpose was to create more beaches (private beaches) for residents, and since it was built into the water, it is known as an engineering feat. There was a lot of money in Dubai- it's the Oil & Gas business hub. The guide told us that water costs more than oil (gas is $1.30/gallon). I'm not sure of the statistics, but it seems like Dubai must be an extremely expensive place to live, and your neighbors would be very wealthy. We drove past Sheiks’ enormous, rich mansions. Foreigners cannot own property in the palms neighborhoods or the downtown (we can only lease it for 99 years), but it doesn't matter because most expat positions get free housing. We walked on a very fine sandy beach, and saw an island that one of the Sheiks owns.

We also saw the tallest building of the world (above left), the biggest mall in the world. More than half of the population is immigrants and signs were in Arabic and English. We asked our guide about tourism, because we were told it is a HUGE industry.. He told us the most popular tourists in Dubai have been the Chinese- who knew!? We passed air conditioned bus stops, which I am sure are quite handy in the intense heat- driving around at midnight we were a cool 108. There is no crime at all in Dubai- there were families and kids walking around on the beach at midnight, and our guide told us that it is very safe for children to play anywhere.

When I got back at 1am, I set the alarm for 6am. The hotel had already told me they would have a wake-up call at 6am, and the shuttle would leave at 6:30. When I woke up, 5 minutes later I got a phone call from Tonio!! So exciting and unexpected. After the phone call I ran downstairs and grabbed some yogurt, a roll and an apple and boarded the overcrowded shuttle. I made it to the airport, and at the gate I met Mary and Nick. We are all so excited!!! The 3.5 hour trip seemed longer than my 16 hour trip yesterday, and the last hour was the slowest!! We made it, got the visa, exchanged money, found no one to pick us up, and grabbed a taxi to the TDS Guesthouse. Ato Teklu called and said that we couldn’t go to the transition house today because we were too tired (? not at all- too excited to meet the kids!!!!) so instead we grabbed a macchiato at the café across from the hotel, and then took a taxi to the shops by the Post Office. It was funny because on our way to the hotel we saw the students who hang out outside the guesthouse, who remembered me from last time and welcomed me back to Addis. Then when we got to the taxis, the taxi driver remembered me and gave am a hug and welcomed me back to Addis. Then after the macchiato we saw the other taxista that remembered me and also welcomed me to Addis. Mary and Nick were laughing at how I already knew people in Ethiopia. We shopped at the souvenir shops, and I got a couple of little crosses, and some bird figures for Eathan, a bowl for Christy. When we got back to the hotel, we met Jennifer and Cale, and we decided that we should go out for dinner at Habesha 2000 to see the dancing. Dancing, delicious food, good company- I love it. We had a great first day!